Monday, September 14, 2015

Here We Are

Man oh man.  I've been away for so long I don't know where to begin.  Over the course of one month my husband got a new job out of state, we sold our home, bought a home, packed up our home, said goodbye to friends and family and drove south.  Phew! Was that a run-on sentence? Our whole life has felt like a run-on sentence lately.  

I am not in a strange land.  I have moved to the town I lived in and loved for six years while I was in college.  I always knew we would move some day and this was the best possible scenario.  Everything happened so quickly and we were in such a zone to get it all done that I never got much of a chance to process my emotions.  When I said my goodbyes I never shed a single tear and I'm someone who can cry over a cheesy commercial.  

Now I am here living among boxes I can't seem to unpack and navigating in a place that is familiar but different as the town has changed and I have changed and I have to figure out where I fit in.  Maybellene handled the move like a champ which was a relief but in the past week she has taken a turn for the worse and I feel completely lost and alone on how to handle this new attitude.  It's like we've all come out of the fog of the frenzied pace of moving and we are finally unpacking our emotions (cheesy, I know.)

My heart hurts for Maybellene because we moved away from her first baby friends and even though she's so young and doesn't realize she won't see them again I guess I'm projecting grown-up emotions on her.  I miss my friends so much so I imagine she misses hers, too.

 I'm trying my best to get my studio put together so I can start working in there.  I feel like working will make me feel normal. Maybellene has been fighting naps so it's been hard to find the time but I do what I can do get it done.  I get so hung up on the details of organizing that it tends to slow me down.  I have to channel the spirit of my gal pal Bryanne who can take a pile of stuff and turn it into a thing of organized beauty within minutes.  I am guilty of walking around in a daze and end up finding an old magazine and start reading that instead.  Bryanne, please come visit and organize my studio!

Yesterday I was feeling particularly sorry for myself when I finally realized I had to snap out of it.   There is so much happiness to find here and I am lucky to get to raise Maybellene here.  The weather was perfect so we took a break from unpacking and got out of the house.  We took Maybellene to the park to swing and she laughed harder than I've ever heard her laugh.  We then took a walk at the beautiful arboretum that wasn't around when I lived here before.  I finally felt at peace over our move.

Last night was a hard night with M and I struggled this morning to get her down for a nap.  It's barely been any time and I can see on my monitor she's already wide awake.  That familiar lump is forming in my throat but I plan on swallowing it down with coffee and getting out and exploring again today.  

This move is a great thing for all of us and I am so grateful for it.  It's just a lot to process.  Once I do I know I'll be able to happily move forward.  In the meantime I can cure my homesickness with a strawberry limeade from Sonic.  

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