Thursday, October 15, 2015

Here Now

We have now lived here long enough to take two of Maybellene's monthly pictures.  Each month she has become harder and harder to photograph because she is becoming her own person and is going to do what she wants to do.  That means not smiling for a picture and definitely eating her monthly sticker.  

My heart is still pretty heavy but the lump in my throat is getting smaller and isn't there as often.  It's lonely being a stay-at-home mom and navigating this new world.  There are not a lot of activities here for Maybellene's age so the two of us go out alone daily and do lots of walking and swinging.  She seems very  happy but I worry about her not seeing other babies.  Am I projecting my own desire for friendships onto her? Probably.  I gave her a new doll that she loves to hug and kiss so there's that.  

Some things:

The leaves are finally starting to crunch under our feet but it's still so hot! We are being a total cliche of people who move to the south from the north.  Maybellene and I go to the park dressed for the dog days of summer on a sunny high 70s day and all the other kids are wearing long sleeves and pants.  More often than not I'm pushing Maybellene in a swing and my hair is barely in a bun and it definitely hasn't been washed in days and I'm sweating like crazy and up walks a mom with a sweater on and beautiful hair and make-up.  I want to wear a sweater in this weather and fix my hair pre-parking but I don't know how to pull any of that off! I'm sometimes lucky to fix my hair and make-up later in the day.  

I've been wearing a fitbit and keeping track of my steps because it motivates me each day to just do one more lap on our walks.  So I found out today that each time I rock Maybellene to sleep I'm getting about 1000 steps! So this whole time that I thought I was doing AMAZING I've really been rocking... a lot. 

More often than not I get Maybellene to sleep but as soon as I lay her down she pops up like this.  I used to let it upset me and feel like my day is ruined because nap time is ruined but I'm finally learning to take it in stride.  How can you be frustrated at that face? Instead of being bummed we went out for a walk instead.  She's now finally napping and I'm grateful.

I've been working! I have been making these ice cream cone dolls which has been fun.  I'm excited to start working in a print studio again and am starting to make plans for screen prints.  I've returned to the place where I fell head over heels for art and printmaking and I feel like it's gong to revitalize those feelings.  I am optimistic about it.  

And that is that.  I may have another hour of nap time and I know I could shower but I probably won't.  And then when we go to the park and I'm the only one that looks schlubby I'll feel sorry for myself but I'll have to remember that I could have taken a shower! But there's no way I can wear a sweater.