Baby Fashions

Growing up I acted out like a typical art student and dressed in a way that some times went against the grain.  No, most times...  I think that I blend in a bit more now only because most of my clothes aren't held together with safety pins and I don't USUALLY wear several skirts layered up at once.  Still, I doubt I'll ever make the cover of  a Gap catalog.  In college my friends and I had so much fun with clothing.  We dressed for each other not in a way to make others envious but instead to have fun.  I still have fun with clothes though lately I'm limited to wearing whatever is quick access to the milk-makers. It's a little depressing not being able to wear what I want but I am making up for that by living vicariously through my babe's fashions.

When she was first born most of my newborn size clothes were hand-me-downs from babies who were not born in an Illinois winter.  I layered what I could and took a lot of joy out of the crazy combinations that came out of that.  I approached it the way I used to approach dressing myself - limited pieces, make it fun.

This is one of our better decisions.  The pants were put on before we remembered to button up the onesie so we went with it.  I would totally wear this.  Look, she knows she's cool.

This stripes/polka dot combo seems to be upsetting her.  She doesn't seem to know yet that mixing patterns is much more interesting and she should go with it.

This dress TEARS ME UP.  It's a hand-me-down and I could not wait to get Maybellene in this.  It is tacky in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE.  The brand is Guess and it is very Anna Nicole Smith (RIP) if she created a baby line.  I would have worn this to an art opening - humongous hair bow and all.  So fluffy.  She needs some zebra print leggings to go with it but we unfortunately do not have any on hand.

And this.  This is my current favorite.  A certain family member may have called this tacky ( but I'm sure she really meant cute).  I totally want to wear leopard print pants all the time and I would if I was still in my twenties.  Something about being 32 makes me feel like my animal print days are over.  I love this mixed with a heart print top with a sweet deer on it.  It might be tacky but it is the very best kind of tacky there is. And Maybellene looks quite happy.

I hope Maybe and her gaggle of girlfriends have the same free spirit when it comes to clothing when she actually gets to pick what she wears.  I want her to have fun and express herself and be as tacky as she wants to be.  I may discourage her from wearing clothes held together with safety pins but only because they are a pain to launder.

As for myself.  My hair situation is killing me right now. My hair used to be pink and platinum and red and so many other colors.  It used to be short and wild and sometimes cut to look like a child got a hold of scissors and went to town on it.  Now it's long and dull and is mostly my natural hair color which I haven't seen since middle school.  Between postpartum  hair loss and tiny but fierce fists puling out chunks of my hair it is all a mess.  I have not had the time or money to get a decent cut but I finally figured out a solution.  I am channeling my hairstyle from the 90s and have two buns holding it all together.  It may sound silly but it makes me feel younger wearing it like this.  The 90s are coming back, right? Where are my tiny butterfly clips?!

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me after my last post. Y'all gave me so much encouragement and advice.  I feel a million times better and will try not to be so hard on myself in the future.

I think nap time is over.  Time to go pick out a new outfit!

Identity

Yesterday was one of those days where by 9:00 am I wanted to crawl in bed and call it a day.  All weekend long was a tough parent time.  Maybellene was fussy and tired and fought sleep.  I was looking forward to spending time in my studio on Saturday and thought with nap times and Dad's at home times I would get to work quite a bit.  Fussy, sleepy baby made that plan impossible.  Fine, I thought, I'll give up that plan today because I know tomorrow will be better and I'll make up for lost time.

Nope.  

Saturday night I barely slept.  We were up every hour to two hours.  By Sunday morning I was too tired to sleep and so was Maybellene.  I was cranky because I envisioned the day being spent once again desiring to work in my studio and knowing it wasn't going to happen.  During a happy moment I snapped this picture and couldn't help but smile.  I know there will be fussy days rough days but this cute face helps me get through it.  

She did finally sleep that afternoon but by then I was too exhausted to try to make my brain be creative so I spent the time cleaning my studio instead.  I recently finished this fabric wall hanging and listed it in my etsy shop here.  I have been eager to make more.  

Not being able to work in my studio any time I want has been one of the most challenging things about motherhood.  A little while back there was a trend on Facebook where artist's were sharing their artwork for five days and each day nominating someone else to show their work.  Each day I saw friends posting work and each day I hoped to be asked to show mine but the nomination never came.  I know it's a silly thing to be upset over but it made me feel like no one thinks of me as an artist.  I shared my sadness about it with a friend who had also yet to be "nominated."  Finally someone chose her and she in turn chose me.  Again, I know - IT'S FACEBOOK-- no reason to think the world is ending.  Some too cool for school people even wrote statuses making fun of the art share. But I am not too cool for school and I just wanted to be thought of as an artist.  I don't mean to sound whiny.  I have a lot of work to do if I want people to start thinking of me as an artist and I realize I have to find any little time I can to work in my studio.  But I also can't be frustrated with my child when it doesn't work out for me work.  I have so many friends with kids who are getting stuff done, making art, maintaining etsy shops, finding success... It gives me hope that things will fall in place for me but I know I'm going to have to work my butt off for it.

Now Maybellene is down for a nap and I'm hoping I still have about a half an hour to go work.  But if she wakes up in five minutes I will look forward to the next nap.

Happy Monday.

Change of Scenery

The other day I was looking through past blog posts and came across these pictures from a little over a year ago.  I was very proud of our living room.  It's a mix of mid-century modern pieces with my more eclectic tastes of decorating with party supplies like banners, poms and balloons.  The TV was put in a back room because I wanted this room to be where we sat and enjoyed life beyond TV. Ha!

And now?

A toy store came to our house, drank too much, and threw up all over and left without offering to clean up.

Maybellene is in a phase right now where she gets bored pretty quickly with each plaything so I feel like we are on a constant circuit of finding something to do.  The couch is the nursing/reading books station, we have a play mat for tummy time and back time activities,  she can sit in a frog's mouth (you heard me, a frog's mouth) when she wants to be more upright but that gets old pretty quickly, a swing for... swinging... I carry her around and do little dances, there are stuffed animals to hug and chew on and there is pandora on the TV for plenty of music (yeah, the TV is definitely back).  Did you know there is a station called Indie Kids? It's pretty much adult music that may appeal to children and it's kind of depressing.  So we listen to silly songs and when we can... some rap.

I wonder when I will have a nice, clean living room again.  Given my bad housekeeping skills my guess is never.

In case you doubted frog mouth chair.

It's Been A While

It has been three months since I last posted but it feels like it has been a lifetime.  I planned on writing here last week but had every computer problem imaginable.  I have finally resigned to writing on this 8-year-old Mac that is as slow as an 8-year-old Mac.  

If I had posted last week I would have been peppier. I was in the la la land of everything going mostly fine.   The lack of sleep was still very real but felt manageable.  Our routine was mostly non-existant but there was still a comfort to the day.  Today feels like I've landed in a whole new world and I can't seem to navigate my way through it.  I'm not basing my frustration on just one day but rather a slow build up over time.  But maybe I just have a case of the Mondays.  It's funny how Monday is no good no matter what you do for a living.  

Just stepped away to nurse and put Maybellene down for a nap.  It's 2:42 and it's the first time I have been able to lay her down for longer than a few seconds today.  I'm crossing my fingers that this nap can last at least an hour. As soon as I finished that sentence I saw on the monitor her arm fly up while she coughed and I held my breath and...are her eyes open?... phew, no, they are closed.  This is my Monday.  

I do not mean to come here to complain.  I look at this face and I hear her trying so hard to talk to me and I don't care that I sleep in spurts that are anywhere from 1-3 hours.  I hear the expression "The days are long but the years are short," and I repeat it like a mantra.  One day she'll be 16 and she probably won't like me very much.  I won't get her back until she's maybe in her twenties but by then she'll be so busy being a doctor that I won't get to see her very much but I will appreciate the huge home she she is going to purchase for her dad and I.

2:49... she's awake.

It's now the next day.  I barely survived yesterday.  I think we were in a growth spurt from hell but she slept much better last night and I feel refreshed and optimistic about today.  And look, she's cute.

This picture was not taken today but several days ago.  When I picked her up I realized her pajamas were filled with poop.  That sweet face is very deceiving.  

I'm dying to get in my studio.  Making stuff was a huge part of my identity and I'm trying to figure out how to get that back.  If I wasn't a stay at home mom I would probably be returning to work about now.  This makes me feel anxious about getting back to my own form of work.  Over the past three months I have dreamed up countless ideas but find that it's hard to get much accomplished in the little nap time spurts that I get.  I have many maker friends who have children so I have hope that naps will get longer and free time will be a bit more abundant. 

It's 7:57 am and I am feeling confident that we are going to have a good day today.  Where's my coffee?