Monday, April 20, 2015

Identity

Yesterday was one of those days where by 9:00 am I wanted to crawl in bed and call it a day.  All weekend long was a tough parent time.  Maybellene was fussy and tired and fought sleep.  I was looking forward to spending time in my studio on Saturday and thought with nap times and Dad's at home times I would get to work quite a bit.  Fussy, sleepy baby made that plan impossible.  Fine, I thought, I'll give up that plan today because I know tomorrow will be better and I'll make up for lost time.
Nope.  
Saturday night I barely slept.  We were up every hour to two hours.  By Sunday morning I was too tired to sleep and so was Maybellene.  I was cranky because I envisioned the day being spent once again desiring to work in my studio and knowing it wasn't going to happen.  During a happy moment I snapped this picture and couldn't help but smile.  I know there will be fussy days rough days but this cute face helps me get through it.  


She did finally sleep that afternoon but by then I was too exhausted to try to make my brain be creative so I spent the time cleaning my studio instead.  I recently finished this fabric wall hanging and listed it in my etsy shop here.  I have been eager to make more.  


Not being able to work in my studio any time I want has been one of the most challenging things about motherhood.  A little while back there was a trend on Facebook where artist's were sharing their artwork for five days and each day nominating someone else to show their work.  Each day I saw friends posting work and each day I hoped to be asked to show mine but the nomination never came.  I know it's a silly thing to be upset over but it made me feel like no one thinks of me as an artist.  I shared my sadness about it with a friend who had also yet to be "nominated."  Finally someone chose her and she in turn chose me.  Again, I know - IT'S FACEBOOK-- no reason to think the world is ending.  Some too cool for school people even wrote statuses making fun of the art share. But I am not too cool for school and I just wanted to be thought of as an artist.  I don't mean to sound whiny.  I have a lot of work to do if I want people to start thinking of me as an artist and I realize I have to find any little time I can to work in my studio.  But I also can't be frustrated with my child when it doesn't work out for me work.  I have so many friends with kids who are getting stuff done, making art, maintaining etsy shops, finding success... It gives me hope that things will fall in place for me but I know I'm going to have to work my butt off for it.

Now Maybellene is down for a nap and I'm hoping I still have about a half an hour to go work.  But if she wakes up in five minutes I will look forward to the next nap.

Happy Monday.

5 comments:

CassieMarie said...

I think you're living out some of my fears surrounding having kids (in the future) - and I just want to tell you you are awesome, you ARE an artist, and I will always think of you as an artist first. I hope this week gives you some time to be an artist.

Anna Kenar said...

You wonderful, beautiful, exhausted woman! Ann, you are amazing! Your talent and creativity will never disappear. You are and always will be an artist. Hang in there

Valerie Wallace said...

Ann...things get better, I swear. Usually around 6 months or so. If you can get someone to watch her one weekday a week away from your house, you will be amazed at how much work you can get done. My best advice as a fellow artist mom is that you have to think of art as a life long endeavor, don't stress too much if you aren't making as much as you were before motherhood. It will still be there for you when you have time again. Also, I am a 100 percent sure that your friends didn't nominate you because you just had a baby and they didn't want to bother you, and for no other reason!

robayre said...

All the above comments, yes, yes, yes, AND I'd also like to add, don't put so much pressure on yourself. If I remember correctly, you and I have had conversations about not being able to get any work done, and that was entirely without any baby in the picture, with a schedule WIDE OPEN. I'm still living that frustration daily! No drive, no attention span for working in my studio, and no baby to blame. In fact, even with a baby you are ahead of me, adding new items to your shop! So ease up, be good to you, which in turn is good to Maybe. When you are feeling anxious and stressed, she can tell and responds in her own ways with fussing and not sleeping (that's just my theory, I'm no Dr. Spock)

rooseveltkuhn said...

I really like the article, why because, i love kids and its a thrilling article. compare other article, this one seems quit different an interesting. anyway good job and keep sharing

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