Hashtag No Filter

I think I jinxed myself yesterday.  I just haaaad to write a blog post and talk about my Sunday Blues and my beginning of the week dread....  I woke up feeling optimistic. I had plans later in the day that I was looking forward to, Maybellene slept in so I was able to eat breakfast in peace, and when she did wake up she seemed to be in a good mood.  And then it was downhill from there.  She was fussing non-stop and by 8:45 am I was trying not to cry as I called our doctor to see if they could help. We have terrible health insurance so I don't take calling the doctor lightly.  They thought she had an ear infection so I took her in.  Truthfully I hoped it was an ear infection so that I could give her medicine and fix it.  But it was... teething.  The only cure for that is patience.  Can't it be something where the cure is at CVS?

So we had a very hard day.  Here's a visual example of our hard day - when I asked her to smile for a picture she did this...

I put her in her Halloween costume so she would at least be super cute while she was fussy.

I also think I had my first instance of sort of mom shaming... In the waiting room at the doctor's office Maybellene was tugging at her pony tail.  She seems to be fascinated with her hair when it's pulled up and she always plays with it and asks about it.  A lady in the waiting room looked at me and suddenly said - "she doesn't like her ponytail." Maybe she thought she was being helpful but it made me feel insecure and I kept babbling about the different reasons why I thought she did like her pony tail.  But when I got home I took it out.  But then I put her hair in pigtails because it's hot outside and her hair gets sweaty and seriously -- I think she doesn't mind her hair in a pony tail!

Photo taken with iPhone from 1987.

Jeremy came home early so I could go to the hair salon and I felt like I truly earned those two hours off.  Bleach never smelled so good.  And now I'm just getting home from a night out with some great gal pals that I'm lucky to have met here so quickly.  I'm going to go to bed without the Tuesday dreads and  instead feel optimistic that tomorrow will be a great day.

Sunday Blues

I have the Sunday Blues.  I realize it's Monday but this long weekend makes Monday feel like an extension of Sunday.

Anyway I've always had the Sunday Blues.  When I was little I dreaded Mondays so much and returning to school that I would try to make Sunday as boring as possible. I wanted the day to drag because I wanted it to last forever.

As a stay-at-home-mom I didn't think I would still dread Mondays (or Tuesdays) but I do.  I get anxious about the coming week and feeling like I'm going it alone.  All day today I have been feeling insecure about everything - myself, my parenting practices, my social practices... meanwhile the clock was ticking and now it's 7:30 at night and it's closer to tomorrow than ever.  I love being able to stay at home with my daughter and I'm thankful that I can but some days are long.  I feel like I'm working a high power job and no one trained me and I have a middle school education.  My husband and I talk a lot about our parenting philosophies and  on paper I feel confident in them but in practice I have no idea what I'm doing.  And let me tell you - comparison is the thief of joy! I try not to get too bogged down with comparison but sometimes it sneaks up on me.  Social media can make it really hard to avoid. I follow too many people on instagram who put a lot into curating a beautiful life online.  I admire their ability to keep it up.  I occasionally fantasize about having a beautifully curated instagram but I can not find a single spot in my house that has perfect lighting! white walls! spotless child with every hair in place! $150 doll that matches spotless child! spotless child smiling! spotless child wearing $50 tee shirt that says something cute! Our real life is not easily hidden.  We're all cluttered messes- stained clothes bc babe refuses to wear bibs- and poor natural lighting over here.

So I found a four leaf clover yesterday and I found another one a couple of weeks ago.  I'm excited because I have such a belief in the power of four leaf clovers.  I wish I could figure out what I can do with them to make them provide the most luck.  Right now they are pressed in Amy Poehler's book because that seemed like the right place for them.  Maybe I'll sleep with them under my pillow tonight and they will cure me of the Sunday Blues forever.  I am having visitors this week that have me pretty excited so my blues should be gone pretty quickly.  I think the luck is already happening.

Is it weird that I haven't blogged in about 6 months and I just showed up like I've always been here? I've been thinking a lot about this space and my shop and I'm ready to start making some changes.  I think I will start a whole new blog and everything is getting a new name.  A Beautiful Party is going to be retiring.  I'm excited to start fresh very soon.  Stay tuned...