Monday, May 30, 2016
I have the Sunday Blues. I realize it's Monday but this long weekend makes Monday feel like an extension of Sunday.
Anyway I've always had the Sunday Blues. When I was little I dreaded Mondays so much and returning to school that I would try to make Sunday as boring as possible. I wanted the day to drag because I wanted it to last forever.
As a stay-at-home-mom I didn't think I would still dread Mondays (or Tuesdays) but I do. I get anxious about the coming week and feeling like I'm going it alone. All day today I have been feeling insecure about everything - myself, my parenting practices, my social practices... meanwhile the clock was ticking and now it's 7:30 at night and it's closer to tomorrow than ever. I love being able to stay at home with my daughter and I'm thankful that I can but some days are long. I feel like I'm working a high power job and no one trained me and I have a middle school education. My husband and I talk a lot about our parenting philosophies and on paper I feel confident in them but in practice I have no idea what I'm doing. And let me tell you - comparison is the thief of joy! I try not to get too bogged down with comparison but sometimes it sneaks up on me. Social media can make it really hard to avoid. I follow too many people on instagram who put a lot into curating a beautiful life online. I admire their ability to keep it up. I occasionally fantasize about having a beautifully curated instagram but I can not find a single spot in my house that has perfect lighting! white walls! spotless child with every hair in place! $150 doll that matches spotless child! spotless child smiling! spotless child wearing $50 tee shirt that says something cute! Our real life is not easily hidden. We're all cluttered messes- stained clothes bc babe refuses to wear bibs- and poor natural lighting over here.
So I found a four leaf clover yesterday and I found another one a couple of weeks ago. I'm excited because I have such a belief in the power of four leaf clovers. I wish I could figure out what I can do with them to make them provide the most luck. Right now they are pressed in Amy Poehler's book because that seemed like the right place for them. Maybe I'll sleep with them under my pillow tonight and they will cure me of the Sunday Blues forever. I am having visitors this week that have me pretty excited so my blues should be gone pretty quickly. I think the luck is already happening.
Is it weird that I haven't blogged in about 6 months and I just showed up like I've always been here? I've been thinking a lot about this space and my shop and I'm ready to start making some changes. I think I will start a whole new blog and everything is getting a new name. A Beautiful Party is going to be retiring. I'm excited to start fresh very soon. Stay tuned...