Friday, April 9, 2010

Emotions

Thank you thank you everyone for the sweet comments on my last post. I have been sort of down lately and it perked me right up. I guess coming to the end of my graduate schooling is scaring me more than I thought. I question myself constantly, Am I good enough? Do I deserve this degree? I second guess everything, I make up mean thoughts from other people, like I think they think I'm not good enough. It's really been an emotional battle. This whole grad school experience has been an emotional battle. I'm terrified! What's next? I constantly fight off insecurity and worry and fear. I tiptoe around others because I'm terrified of doing something wrong, sometimes I feel like I'm doing nothing right. I cheer myself up by thinking what I'm feeling is normal but it's still so scary. All I have ever wanted was to be good and successful with art. I feel like I have constantly fought the odds, fought against others who didn't think I was good enough or would make it. Now that school is almost over time will tell what happens to me. I know I have to keep up that same fighting spirit I have always had, the spirit that makes art that feels right to me and keeps trying and trying to put it out there until it lands on the right eyes. It's all I want so I will keep moving on and trying and trying but I will always be a little bit terrified.
Sorry to get so real and emotional. I've just had this achy monstery sad feeling inside me. I thought this would be the best place to relate this because I'm sure we all get insecure, right?
Now I don't want to be a Friday downer. I'm getting a haircut today and then going to Chicago for one of my professor's art opening tonight. This will cheer me up. Plus, I will be finding out in the next few days if I got into an art thing that is really really important to me. Please keep your fingers doubly crossed.
Thanks for everything. I truly am grateful for you guys that read my blog. I feel like I am part of a really wonderful community.
Happy Weekend.

2 comments:

Andy said...

keep your head up and dont get a lazy eye...you are good enough.
ff

Maria-Thérèse afiori.com said...

You are doing everything right because you are following your dreams.