Sunday, October 13, 2013

Nervous Nelly.

I have been pretty anxious lately.  I think after writing a post declaring myself to be happy I thought that was supposed to mean all my problems were solved and I would suddenly be this new person who doesn't dwell on silly stuff. I had hoped that with one declaration of happiness I could start over fresh. So... it turns out things don't change that easily.  I'm still a worrier, I still watch too much TV,  I still fret about my artwork and feel like I'm never doing enough.  I know that I have to be proactive in changing these things about myself.  I've seen the million pins on pinterest with the motivational quotes saying things like being the change you want to see and what not. Can't I just wish for it?? Can't someone else do it?   

Outside studio day. 
Bunny in my painting.
On my walls.
I always worry about breaking rules or doing things wrong to the point where I can be way too uptight. Today I had a moment where I was sitting in my yard enjoying the sunshine and I decided to blow bubbles. It made me think of a time when I was younger and I did break the (some... very few) rules.  I was in eighth grade and my friend Amanda and I decided to sneak off to her aunt's vacant house and have an afternoon to ourselves.  It was an amazing taste of freedom. We sat on her aunt's roof and blew bubbles all afternoon (so wild, right?!).  We eventually told our parents where we were and got (very tense) rides home later that night.  I'm sorry to make my mom worry (sorry, mom!) but I'm not sorry for the experience.  Very rarely am I rebellious.  My friend left this world way too soon and of all the memories I have with her that one is the most magical. So I blew bubbles and thought about her and remembered that there was once a time when I was carefree.  

I haven't figured out the cure for all this yet. Maybe the biggest cure is acceptance. I must accept that I am uptight and a worrier.  But I would like to change those things I'm just not sure how.  Maybe if I find the perfect quote on pinterest it will do the trick. ( :

Okay, in typical me fashion I have been dwelling over this post for forever and am worried I have written too much. Ugh, it's so exhausting! I'm going to go ahead and post. I'll be back very soon with way less annoyingly exhausting anxietyishy posts.


flux biota. said...

all you can do is keep swimming (thanks, Finding Nemo).

Maria-Thérèse ~ said...

this honesty is beautiful.

A Beautiful Party said...

Thank you to both of you.

julie tillman said...

This post is beautiful! Thanks for sharing... I'm going to blow some bubbles today. :)