Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Coming Clean

photo source

Hi. If it hasn't seemed obvious I have really been avoiding the internet lately. Mostly because I feel ashamed. I have hardly worked at all in my studio. I've been so terrified that I will have nothing to make. I don't know what to do in there right now. I've been pushing paint around on paper but nothing is very inspiring. Every time I think of blogging I just feel guilt and shame. I read so many blogs of amazing and talented people who always seem to have a hand in different creative pots and I don't know what to do at all. Do any of you struggle with balancing work and art and life? I know I just got out of grad school so there will probably be some down time but I'm so so so scared of never getting back that creativity. I honestly never thought it would be this hard. I'm losing confidence and I have to find it quickly.
I'm sorry for the self pity, I'm just hoping that maybe others feel this way sometimes? How do you balance it? I am going to figure out a schedule so that I can fit everything I want to do in. I am so far behind on blog reading (probably because I'm avoiding the internet?) and I need to do some upkeep on my etsy shop and I need to just jump in and start making art and allow failure to happen.
Okay, hopefully I got all this out of my system. I'm going to go in my studio and see what I can do.
Thanks for being such wonderful readers!


Maria-Thérèse ~ said...

Don't feel ashamed! Maybe you need to... go with the flow a bit more and just trust yourself. You've just started a new job and that's always a huge adjustment. Doesn't mean that art and creativity will somehow disappear. I promise! It's all inside you, still inside.

Listen to some new music maybe, go see an exhibition, do something that makes you feel more inspired. Of course you'll think of things to do. Periods of "lower" creativity aren't dangerous. You can use them to organize stuff, make connections and plan for the future. Maybe collect some of your work and turn it into a book via blurb or something similar?!

Unknown said...

YES. Yes. yes. It is really really hard finding a balance between working full time and having energy to make work and be creative when you are home. I have been in a major creative blank this year too. Its scary, and awful, and I definitely relate to those feelings of being ashamed of your lack of productivity.

I dont really have any suggestions for you since I am in the same rut. Mark told me the other day that I am probably just focusing too much on the end result rather than letting the work develop and just keeping with making things. I am sure he is right. I just have no attention span right now. I start something, get bored with it, then i start thinking its awful enough to not finish it, and then i end up throwing it away haha.

Right there with you friend.

flux biota. said...

i felt like that and it goes away. all i did was keep elaborate sketchbooks diaries, I took photos, wrote poems, and tried not to focus on the not making "real"art. My sketchbook became my blog art and then I started on tiny pieces of paper and after almost a year, I'm back to 22 X 30. you'll get there. you'll be good.

CassieMarie said...

*hugs/ MAN UP*
Just kidding,
Ann, you will be alright! Just consider it a little mental break, or try something completely new. Think about how nice it is not to be taking any art history classes. Remember art history. SUCKFEST! :)
I have faith you will come out of this slump amazingly. :)
Lastly, you really need to get skype!
love, cassie
also, i miss you tons. I need to find a river with rapids around here so you can entice your man to take you to come visit us.

Jamie said...

I've felt the same way lately. You should read my post from yesterday. :) Give yourself permission to "just be". It feels good. I promise! :)
Don't be too hard on yourself. We spread ourselves way too thin. Just breathe and know that what you're doing is enough.