Sunday, November 10, 2013

At Least I Got a Balloon?

At the beginning of the weekend I planned on writing a post Sunday night and I was excited because I thought I would have so much to show and share.  I had been looking forward to the weekend all week long because I was going to hole up in my studio and finally make something.

Now I am not as excited to write. Overall the weekend did not go the way I hoped.  

What I did do was begin an inspiration board.  There are so many bits and pieces floating around my space that I love so I wanted to compile all that together in hopes that it would give me fresh ideas.  I left a big blank spot so I could keep adding to it.

Friday night when everything still felt hopeful my husband and I went out to dinner and he took me to the party shop and let me pick out a balloon. What a dream date!! I have always wanted the champagne balloon and I finally got it. I'm weird. I know.

Another thing I did do was clean up my living room.  I have done so much rearranging in this space and it's now my absolute favorite room in the house.

One thing that we did recently was move the television out of this room which solved so many problems. I always hated having the tv as the focal point.  Now the only electronics in here are a record player and sound system which gives me plenty of room to decorate.  My parents surprised me with an early birthday present and they gave me that beautiful oval painting by Julie Tillman. I had been wanting it for forever!  It was perfect timing, too, because I wanted something to hang on the wall there.

So, what I haven't been doing? Making work...  I still feel so lost and it's becoming so depressing.  Saturday turned into me feeling down and feeling sorry for myself and spending the last half of the day reading a book instead of working.  Sunday I woke up fresh and decided it was a new day.  By mid-morning I started thinking of some ideas and was excited to see what I could do but almost immediately I felt the ideas fizzle out. It's like I have become too insecure to feel confidant that I can make anything. I am not giving up but I do feel a little panicked and a whole lot lost.  This week I will force myself to go in that room every day and even if I'm just sitting and staring at my inspiration board that is fine.  My weaknesses are my insecurity and lack of belief in myself.  I know this and am trying to work on it but I don't know if I'm trying hard enough.

That's my rant for the evening.  I hate to come here with this kind of stuff especially when I thought I would be coming here with exciting progress. I would like to get back in the habit of blogging almost daily so I guess that's going to mean the good and the bad. I'm going to remain positive despite all these other feelings and just know eventually I'll get back into some sort of groove again.

What do you do to fight your way out of these funks?


Unknown said...

Frustrating weekend! It doesn't always work for me, but usually I just set an actual schedule that I have to be at my "studio table" (which is my studio) over a weekend when I need to get something done. If I need to start something new, I'll put something I've seen a million times on the tv (like old episodes of West Wing) that I don't need to pay attention to, which creates noise. If I'm in progress on something, sometimes I'll put on a radio lab, this american life, or other radio program. The best productive days are the ones where I don't need much else going on, but those don't happen all the time. The days when Pandora asks me, "Are you still listening?" and I don't notice for a few hours--yeah, those are the days!

Wow. That was a long paragraph. Sorry.

I watched these little art clip interviews a few months ago and one of them talked about just being in your studio, even if you can't make anything. And if you're there, sweeping or rearranging your furniture (! <3 !) or whatever, ideas will come to you.

So maybe you didn't get done what you wanted to this weekend, but I bet you got some kernels of ideas going--whether you realize it yet or not!

Make miniature houses where you can rearrange the furniture as art!

Make procrastination balloons as art!

Make date nights as art!


robayre said...

You are being too hard on yourself. It sounds like you had a very productive weekend to me!
Although, I can completely relate.
I try to think of the act of creating as being this ebb and flow and sometimes you create and sometimes you need to sit back, relax and fill your inspiration well. That being said, I feel like I'm going through a very looooong phase of not being able to regularly work in my studio and it's beginning to freak me out.
One time I contributed to a pikaland zine where I gave my input on how to keep busy and fight off dry spells. It's been a long time, but I think I said that it comes down to 1, a clean work space and 2, routine and going into the work space and doing the same things so that you mind knows the pattern. Maybe putting on your same art apron, or lighting a candle. I feel like none of this is working much this time. It's just hard because when it feels hard, and not an absolute joy to get working than I will fight it with everything in me. I WANT to create work, but it is hard and so something in me resists and then it is no longer fun.
I recently met a therapist who specializes in a meditative practice that helps people calm themselves and get through their stress. She is writing a book for children specifically about a breathing technique advocated by Andrew Weil. It was interesting and made me wonder if I tried to incorporate that into my process when I first go into the studio. She actually said I should go in and turn on some loud music and dance with big movements, but I pretty much do that already, only when I go to sit down at the desk my mind is all "nope" and I have to get back up.

anna said...

Maybe your weakenesess are also your strength, I love your honesty, I guess its all a part of an artists journey, thank you for letting us know we´re not the only one dealing with those feelings! I do hope you find your flow again soon!

anna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
flux biota. said...

I was going through the same problem two years ago. I couldn't make anything that i thought was I would just draw/make compulsive objects.

I didn't concentrate on a final product, I focused on those little compulsive acts that made my life meaningful and before I knew it, I was back at it. Making paintings.

It'll happen. Just focus on those things in your life that make you happy...

I'm here if you ever wanna chat about life/art.

Maria-Thérèse ~ said...

To me, it sounds like you got a lot of things done? And that you were creative? But I do know the feeling of wanting to accomplish so much more - when maybe there isn't enough time, or inspiration, or you didn't sleep well - sometimes it just doesn't work. What I've learnt is that it's actually part of the process. Those hours I feel like I'm just doing nothing useful - I think they're there to refuel the creative side and that ideas are still brewing inside. It's still frustrating, though.

Katie Drum said...

Ann dearheart, don't sweat it! Being an artist is such a roller coaster...Sometimes it is there and the creative juices are flowing, and other times, it is the last thing that you can connect with and you just need to step away from trying to 'make' anything. You are a creative being, don't be so hard on yourself! Remember that everything doesn't need to be exactly how you imagined it to be, that you can just play around, that everything doesn't have to be a finished masterpiece. I struggle with this all the time. If creating had that much pressure on it, all the fun would get lost! Create like no one is watching... My friend Katelyn recently sent me this quote "Maybe success should be measured by how well one fearlessly follows their heart." It's really helped me keep focus on why I enjoy creating!