At the beginning of the weekend I planned on writing a post Sunday night and I was excited because I thought I would have so much to show and share. I had been looking forward to the weekend all week long because I was going to hole up in my studio and finally make something.
Now I am not as excited to write. Overall the weekend did not go the way I hoped.
What I did do was begin an inspiration board. There are so many bits and pieces floating around my space that I love so I wanted to compile all that together in hopes that it would give me fresh ideas. I left a big blank spot so I could keep adding to it.
Friday night when everything still felt hopeful my husband and I went out to dinner and he took me to the party shop and let me pick out a balloon. What a dream date!! I have always wanted the champagne balloon and I finally got it. I'm weird. I know.
Another thing I did do was clean up my living room. I have done so much rearranging in this space and it's now my absolute favorite room in the house.
One thing that we did recently was move the television out of this room which solved so many problems. I always hated having the tv as the focal point. Now the only electronics in here are a record player and sound system which gives me plenty of room to decorate. My parents surprised me with an early birthday present and they gave me that beautiful oval painting by Julie Tillman. I had been wanting it for forever! It was perfect timing, too, because I wanted something to hang on the wall there.
So, what I haven't been doing? Making work... I still feel so lost and it's becoming so depressing. Saturday turned into me feeling down and feeling sorry for myself and spending the last half of the day reading a book instead of working. Sunday I woke up fresh and decided it was a new day. By mid-morning I started thinking of some ideas and was excited to see what I could do but almost immediately I felt the ideas fizzle out. It's like I have become too insecure to feel confidant that I can make anything. I am not giving up but I do feel a little panicked and a whole lot lost. This week I will force myself to go in that room every day and even if I'm just sitting and staring at my inspiration board that is fine. My weaknesses are my insecurity and lack of belief in myself. I know this and am trying to work on it but I don't know if I'm trying hard enough.
That's my rant for the evening. I hate to come here with this kind of stuff especially when I thought I would be coming here with exciting progress. I would like to get back in the habit of blogging almost daily so I guess that's going to mean the good and the bad. I'm going to remain positive despite all these other feelings and just know eventually I'll get back into some sort of groove again.
What do you do to fight your way out of these funks?