Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Growing Up is Weird

Good Morning!  I think I've been writing this blog post in my head for a couple of days and it seems now that I'm able to sit down and write I'm not sure what to say.  So here are some pretty pics of what I've been working on while I figure out my words.
 Do you ever have moments where you honestly just don't know what you want to do with your life? I'm asking this in a very black and white way I guess.  I've always made plans since I was little. I'm going to grow up and move to New York or LA and live in a loft or a bungalow and beeeeee famous! The ways I would be famous have changed frequently; singer, actress, artist.  As I got older I dreamed of moving to Nashville or Ashville and some how figuring out my way there.
 Now I think I'm the age where I'm supposed to be doing one of those things.  I have no idea what I want anymore. I feel like I am in some sort of growing-up limbo.  We have our house and I was grumbling about all the noise from cars on the road and neighbors listening to their music so loud and I was dreaming about living on a farm in the country and having kids running around.  And then when I really thought of that it didn't feel like me.  Part of me wants to own a building downtown and live in the top and have a studio/store in the bottom and raise kids in a more "urban" way.  But that makes me feel like I would crave a back yard.  I hope I don't sound whiny.  It's just weird to not know what I want because I have always been someone that was so sure of that.
 Yesterday I was roaming around Target and I overheard a couple of girls shopping and one of them said she needed a good "going out purse."  It made me feel oldddd because I have not felt like I needed one of those purses in a long time. I miss needing to buy small clutches to hold my keys, phone and money.  But I also don't particularly miss a lot of the things that come with that kind of going out.  Growing up is weird.  Nostalgia is weird because it can be so warped.
 Again I really hope I don't sound whiny and debated deleting this post. I am trying to be a little more personal in my blog and that means working out some of these weird feelings. I am so very grateful for my present and my past.  I try to not take anything for granted.  Maybe it's just fine to have a big question mark in the future.  Maybe my control freakiness about the future was just a clutch for getting through the present.  Maybe I should drink more coffee and spray paint more animals.

What about you guys?  How do you reconcile growing up?  I would really love to hear your stories.  

Have a great day today. Eat some pizza if you can.


flux biota. said...

I wish I could give you something deep and meaningful to dwell on. I struggled with the same thing. "I'm in do I make art?" I was depressed for a long time and then decided that I can do whatever I want wherever I am. I allowed my life and my new terrain to inspire my art and it's finally come to fruition. I'm making beautiful art, I love my semi-rural life, I like my job, I made peace with everything and I've never been so relaxed and productive. Take your time, ann. You have a beautiful life and beautiful family and friends. You make lovely objects and excellent art. You should dwell on all the excellent things that surround you and let even the shitty parts inspire you.

Claire said...

I just turned 30 not too long ago and I admit I thought i'd be a lot more freaked out than I was.
Getting older and growing up can be scary, but I feel outside influences affect us more than they should
Society 'says' we should be a certain point, or doing this and that by a certain point
I think as long as we feel we are happy and moving forward that's all thats important

Fern Love said...

I feel exactly the same at the minute! I'm 25 and have got back from travelling Asia and Australia 6 months ago and just really want to live by the coast but instead I'm living in a small village in the north of England (with my mum!) with no idea what to do for work or where to go. Looking at your inspiration wall in your studio though has inspired me to go and create my own to keep me focused. The image of the spray painted zebra has made my day!