Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Always Anxious

Yesterday was a busy one! I thought about blogging all day and before I  knew it I was going to bed.  I love days when I am on a roll and can't quit working. It did, however, take me a while to finally get into my studio. Do any of you do this? I'll have lots of ideas and excitement about what I want to work on but then I'll do anything but work on it.  I did some laundry, pet my rabbit, put together the casserole for that night's dinner... Finally I went and started working. And then I was on a roll! It is 7:50 am and I will write this blogpost and go straight to my studio today.  No hem-hawing around I promise!  Dishes are done, breakfast has been eaten, my hair could stand to be washed but I have dry shampoo... 

I have a sale at Blumen Gardens again this Sunday and I am trying to finish up these boxes that look like cakes.  I'm digging it so far but it's such a new thing so it's making me pretty nervous.  I'm forcing myself to make decisions and not mull on it foreverrrr!

I made another pom pom curtain that will decorate a cutie-pie girl's room.  I love this color scheme. I tried to take a better picture but I didn't have a model in time and when I tried to set up the tripod and use the timer to take one of myself it was a disaster! And plus my hips looked big so there was now way it was going public.  Good-bye pom pom curtain!

This morning my friend Janey and I went for our run and I'll admit it quickly turned into a walk.  Neither one of us were feeling it and we almost convinced ourselves to not go at all so I feel like the calories burned should be doubled since we at least made ourselves do something.  It was especially beautiful today.

Lately I have been feeling the usual anxiety about not having a "real job."  Monday I was working on the pom pom curtain all afternoon and had Law and Order (SVU of course) on and after three episodes (and non-stop working) I started to panic that that is no way to spend your days.  I was anxious and worried that I was really screwing up.  I talked to my good friend Claudia about it yesterday and she gave me the best advice ever... turn the TV off.  I know I know everyone says TV is bad for you and I completely agree to an extent. I think there are really great shows on right now that are worth watching but when you get into the mindless watching I realize that it's bad.  I am not being on a TV high horse, I promise. I will still watch bad reality shows occasionally. I am just going to do better job about monitoring it and not constantly having it on.   When I have kids I do not want them watching very much TV so I have to start learning how to be a better example now.

I met a woman the other night that teaches classes on how to live for yourself and not let others influence you (or at least that is my idea of what the class is). After describing to her the anxiety I feel over this new venture and always feeling like I have to justify myself and what I am doing to others she gave me great advice and recommended I take a class. It was the perfect timing to meet her because I could truly stand to learn how to have more confidence in myself. And how to turn the TV off and let myself live with my thoughts.

Have a pretty day today. Any podcast recommendations?


Unknown said...

SO empathize with you! The justifying yourself all the time thing. Such a burden of the mind!

Podcasts I like lately are the Bugle (John Oliver and another hilarious gentleman). Also, of course, This American Life and Fresh Air podcasts.

Love yer blog, lady :-)

Rachael Bower said...

You are living the dream! I believe in you!

Rooted Mama Health said...

Tell me more about these classes!!

CassieMarie said...

I feel the same way (especially in summer!) with the anxiety. I've found turning on music is an awesome way to say focused (or NPR) and I also put together a Google Calendar. It has an awesome little 'to do' list feature that has been great when my mind starts to wander and I forget all of the things I was going to try to get done. :D

Anonymous said...

99% invisible is the best obscure architecture, design and other stuff podcast ever! You should give it a try, Radio lab is an obvious go-to as well and the episodes can be up to an hour long so you will never run out.

I recently had to come to the same conclusion about tv, trashy novels ect. they were becoming harmful to my art process. Podcast have been my answer as well. Let me know if you know of any good ones!!!